Being a spectator

from outside the system one can easily criticize about the flaws in the system, can supply a lot of opinions to cleanse the system. But as the saying goes "its easier said than done" one will realize that it isn't as easy as it seems from the outside. Being part of a system, maybe not so large but yes a system definitely, I too had the same outlook before. I had the desire to make things idealistic.Now I can see that face mocking me at my fragile attempt. In a theoretical mechanical system the efficiency is calculated to be 100%, but when it comes to practical it turns out to be very low, the major cause behind this is friction. Similarly inside a system there is a lot of friction, friction with the face of a negative influence. Initially when I newly entered the system I had all the vigor and enthusiasm to fight through it, but due to timely wear and tear, I now seem to have lost that enthusiasm, nothing is there to support me, nothing is there to aid me. All I know that I am now exhausted. The system is like a down flowing river, and I am like the salmon that is trying to swim against the flow. Some succeed while some fail, and I feel very ashamed to make the statement that I too am part of those salmon that have failed and lay on the shore waiting for a slow and painful death. All claimed to understand me, at this statement I shall mock at them, cause i now realize how childish they had been. Now from within the system I have become a spectator watching the system flow, standing aside allowing the system to go as it intends, mentally exhausted of every ounce of enthusiasm to make the system idealistic. Neither am I flowing in direction of the system nor am I supporting it, but to outsiders I too shall now seem to be a part of "that" system.

in the lonely road...

can see the ground escaping from underneath my legs... can't do anything... bonds, commitments, relationships, respect... have all become vague to me... standing on a dark and lonely lane with nothing else but loneliness to accompany me... never believed that i would live to see this day, but time has proved me wrong over and over again... nothing else is striking my head other than the loneliness... even though people are present beside me i can feel the distance and the cause is nothing other than me and the things that have become vague to me... time is said to be a good healer, but believe me time is also a blunt knife that cuts through you very painfully... physically i can bear the pain but this mental pain is something that i have never learnt to take... and the almighty does seem to know me well to strike me at the place where i'm the weakest.... Sorry to all that have been hurt because of me............

Home to Mother

Bright hues of the rising sun,

Chirruping of the birds mixed with the splash of water,

Scent of the eucalyptus leaves carried by the serene wind.

I stood by the river, staring into the horizon,

Arms wide open, head held high,

An attempt to embrace the bosom of Mother.

I pass into the long awaited trance,

Where I am home, calling out to the beauty-

“Mother I am home”.

A voice- so sweet, so soft, vibrates in the air,

A sense of safe being seeps into my mind.

There she waits to hear me all, for me to empty my heart.

Lying on her lap I weep for her long absence.

Brushing my hair she sooths me,

Asking me to look deeper, to find the place where she waits for me.

Realizing what I had missed, I stare into her eyes

A smile on her face brings all eternity to me.

Now carrying the thoughts that I most desired,

I walk back into the dark and lonely place from where I came,

Knowing, I have mother.